Chizuko 

“Good morning. Today is the Xth of Y, and it’s time for Asajan~♪”

Every morning on TV, there is a lovely young woman.
Her name is Chizuko, an announcer at a TV station in Safari City.
Her cute face and gentle personality spread like wildfire, and she now enjoyed immense popularity.
But that wasn’t the only reason for her popularity.

“Alright, so for today’s opening…”
“There isn’t one today~”
“Huh? There isn’t?”

Kuma, another announcer, tried to take over, but Chizuko stopped him with a smile.
Usually, she picks out a funny news story to start the show, but it seems today is different.

“I guess there are days like that.”
“Apparently, something unsavory was shown or something~”
“Huh?”

Being able to stay calm and carry on even when faced with unexpected situations.
That’s another one of Chizuko’s charms.

“Well then, for the opening… that’s it. A new week is starting, but did you do anything fun over the weekend?”
“Let’s see~…”

Prompted by Kuma, she rests her hand on her chin, deep in thought.
Even that pose is picture-perfect.
She takes a sip of the brown drink in the clear glass in front of her and flashes a smile at the camera.

“I had a mountain of work even on my day off~. I wonder what a day off is even supposed to be~”
“Hahaha… You’re saying such dark things right at the start of the week.”

The announcer’s expression tenses at her unexpected remark, but Chizuko keeps her smile.
This is the biggest reason she’s proudly claimed the number one spot in the Favorite Announcer rankings.
With her expression unchanged and her blunt, no-nonsense way of speaking, she somehow manages to capture the hearts of her viewers.

“So, here’s the first news story of the day~♪”

The day simply doesn’t start without seeing her first.
There were quite many citizens who felt that way.

“And now, it’s time for the much-anticipated home shopping segment~♪”

This segment is a staple at the end of every news program hosted by Chizuko.
It seems to be quite popular, as the station receives a fair number of calls after the broadcast.

“I wonder what product we’ll be featuring today~? It’ll be introduced by the Opener duo~”

The scene suddenly shifts to a special set-up for the segment.
An ordinary-looking otter in a black suit stood in a half-crouch, while a gorilla wearing a pink vest sat in a sturdy-looking chair.
They were Wakamori and Kasukabe from the comedy duo Opener.

“So, today we have this-“
“Which one?”
“This one. You’re sitting on it right now.”

Wakamori gave Kasukabe a light tap on the forehead.
As small chuckles escaped from the studio, Wakamori’s cheerful voice rang out.

“This product is being offered at a special price exclusively for our viewers, thanks to none other than our sponsor IEA!”
“For you!!!”
“You’re being a bit loud, though. This is actually from Gunma-“
“Which one?”
“I told you, this one!”

Wakamori tapped Kasukabe on the forehead again.
Chizuko watched the scene unfold with her usual smile.

“A designer from Gunma Prefecture…”
“It’s not Kasukabe!”
“Oh, no, that’s not it. It’s a long-selling item that’s been on the market for over 30 years!”
“Long-seller! Woo!”
“And it’s not just the design! It’s also incredibly durable. It’s withstood over 6.3 million tests conducted in-store.”
“Ha ha ha ha! 6.3 million times!”
“As I just said, this thing won’t break. Kasukabe, why don’t you give it a try?”

Prompted by Wakamori, Kasukabe began to rock the chair vigorously.

“Whoa, it’s totally fine! See!”

Even as the massive Kasukabe bounced violently on the chair, it didn’t budge an inch.
The studio erupts in gasps of surprise.
Encouraged by the positive results, the two get even more carried away and start jumping up and down while still seated.
Wakamori tries to stop them by leaning in with all his might.
Completely absorbed in their antics, the two forget all about explaining the product and just keep messing around-

*Crack!*

In that instant, the studio falls silent.
The camera couldn’t cut away in time, and the only thing shown was the Opener duo lying on the floor near the overturned chair.
It was clearly a TV blooper.

“I guess we should leave the test to the two comedians, huh~?”

But Chizuko said it with a smile, as if nothing had happened.

“Oh my~, I wonder why everyone in the studio is trying so hard not to laugh~?”

Caught off guard by this killer pass, the MC in the studio frantically ordered a commercial break.

“We’re waiting for your calls~♪”

Chizuko calmly wrapped up the show.

The weather segment is an essential part of any news program.
Today, weather forecasters Nerune and Tsumune were scheduled to appear, and Chizuko was set to join them on the segment.

“Nice to meet you~”
“Nice to meet you~”
“You don’t have to be so stiff. Basically, we’ll be doing the forecasting, so just handle the hosting.”
“Yes, I’ll leave it to you~”

Seeing Chizuko’s relaxed demeanor, Tsumune felt a sense of déjà vu and glanced at Nerune.

“Hm? What’s wrong, Senpai?”
“…Nothing.”

Tsumune felt a twinge of unease.
And then, during the live broadcast, an incident occurred.
The weather forecast set the walls and floor to a uniform green, onto which the video footage was composited, but…

“Huh? Where did Nerune-san go~?”

The three of them appeared to deliver the forecast, but for some reason, Nerune was the only one missing on screen.

“Eh? I’m right here, though~?”
“Whoa~, Tsumune-san is floating~”
“Ne-Nerune… You’re at it again…”

Nerune was definitely there.
However, because he happened to be almost the exact same color as the greenscreen, he had been rendered transparent just like the rest of it.

“On screen, only your clothes and eyes are floating~ It’s kind of eerie~♪”
“Hahaha, you’re right.”
“This isn’t something to laugh about… How are we supposed to do the forecast?”

It was like a TV blooper, but the footage continued as is.
Until just a moment ago, footage of Safari City had been playing, but the moment the weather map appeared, Nerune’s body had turned completely blue.

“Nerune-san has turned blue~! But he’s still cute like this~♪”
“Huh, really? What do you think, Senpai?”
“I don’t know! We don’t have time for that right now. We need to figure out how to continue the forecast-“
“Oh, right~. Now, here’s tomorrow’s weather~. Nerune-san, Tsumune-san, please take it from here~”
“I-ignoring the situation!? Y-you’re terrifying…”

After that, this broadcast became a legendary episode in a sense.
Furthermore, it was featured on a late-night talk variety show early in the week, and Chizuko’s popularity continued to rise… But that’s another story.

“Janjan Cooking~♪”

On this day, Chizuko was assigned to assist with the show’s cooking segment.

“Today’s instructor is a culinary researcher who will be proposing some surprising recipes…”
“Good morning~!”
“…and it’s Reri-san~!”

She barged in right in the middle of the introduction.
But Chizuko wasn’t the type to let that bother her.

“What are today’s ingredients~?”
“Broccoli, broccoli!”

Saying that, Reri the white bellbird pointed at the broccoli placed in the studio kitchen.

“Broccoli is really healthy, you know. It’s packed with vitamins A, B, C, all sorts of things. It’s literally a powerhouse of nutrients!”
“You’re right, we’d be missing out if we didn’t eat this~”
“You really get it!”
“Thank you~ Well then, let’s get cooking right away~♪”

Unfazed by Reri’s high energy, Chizuko announced the start of the cooking.

“First, put this broccoli in a bowl.”
“Wow~”
“Then cover it with plastic wrap and microwave it at 600W for about 7 minutes! And then! Here’s the microwaved result!”
“Wow~ That looks delicious~♪”

The steamed broccoli was plopped right in the middle of the plate!
Simple yet dynamic.
An historic dish that challenges the very definition of cooking.

“Today, I’m just going to show you its~ natural~ form~! So, here it is, just as it is!”
“Reri-san, what kind of dish is this?”
“It’s a whole broccoli! You can even pour mayonnaise on it and dig right in!”
“Cooking is all about freedom, after all~♪”
“You really get it!”

Recommended Easy Dish: “Whole Broccoli.“
Of course, this episode became legendary and a long-loved topic among fans.

“It’s almost cherry blossom viewing season~♪”

So, the information program Chizuko hosts was featuring a special segment on the topic.

“Let’s take a look at the scene~! How’s it looking over there~?”
“Hey! It’s incredibly bustling over here!”

With that, the broadcast connected to a park within the prefecture.
Along with the interviewer’s words, the screen showed cherry trees in full bloom and the cherry blossom viewers.

“Since it’s such a perfect day for cherry blossom viewing, I brought some freshly baked bread.”
“I come here every year. I was worried because it rained yesterday, but I’m so glad it’s sunny!”

And so on. The interviewer spoke with one cherry blossom viewer after another, including pandas and owls.
Then, a rather unusual sight appeared on screen.
Three picnic blankets had been spread out, taking up quite a bit of space. Despite that, there was only one student, a Siberian husky, lying there playing a game.

“What time did you get here today?”
“Just a lil’ before 5 AM.”
“Why so early?”
“I dunno. My buddies said we’d meet around noon. But only my meeting time was 5 AM.”

This came right after showing the other cherry blossom viewers having a lively, fun time.
The studio was enveloped in an indescribable atmosphere.

“But if they are happy, that’s okay~♪ Now, on to the next news item~♪”

That was Chizuko, the only one whose ability to brush things off remained unchanged.
While everyone else was at a loss for words, she brushed it off with a smile.

Chizuko always has a smile on her face.
But her expression was a little stiff.
That’s because today was her first time doing a baseball commentary.
She was worried about whether she could pull it off.

“Chizuko-chan, we’re counting on you for the baseball commentary! Just go all out like you always do!”
“Got it~♪”

Encouraged by Ushi, the announcer in charge of the baseball segment, Chizuko nodded with a smile.
How will her baseball commentary turn out…?

“Next up is the sports segment~♪”

Chizuko made the announcement, and footage of a baseball started playing… at least, it was supposed to.
Instead, footage of a lush, green forest played along with gentle background music.
A castle and boats were reflected in the lake visible in the distance.
This was backup footage used to cover for sudden emergencies.

“Oh my~, We’ve reached peak~”

Chizuko wasn’t fazed by this.
With her usual smile, she carried on without a hitch.

“Well, let’s take a look at today’s highlights~♪”

Thanks to her quick thinking, the sports segment proceeded smoothly.
The footage that switched to showed a pitcher who had just given up a game-tying grand slam, breaking down in tears on the mound.

“Oh my~ I wonder if someone came to pour him some water~?”

Having delivered that scathing sarcasm, Chizuko wasn’t done yet.

“Is he heading to the batting cage~?”

The announcer was left speechless by the remark directed at the pitcher as he walked off the mound.

“W-what are you saying, Chizuko-chan!?”
“Looks like he was a little nervous~♪”

Despite it being her first time on air, Chizuko’s bold remarks naturally sent the audience into a frenzy.
Afterward, the forest footage caught in the middle became an instant sensation, and the TV station trademarked the phrase “reaching peak”, once again making headlines.
And from that point on, Chizuko became very popular on sports segments as well.

“Eve~ryone, it’s time for ‘With Mom’~♪”

By some twist of fate, Chizuko was suddenly called in to serve as an assistant MC on a famous children’s show.
It was her first time hosting a show for kids, but with her natural smile and ability to brush things off, she managed to keep the show running smoothly even with a dozen or so children.
However, just when she thought the broadcast had ended without a hitch, another incident occurred.

“Alright, let’s all sing the drawing song together!”

It was a segment where they would draw the show’s mascot, Spoon-kun, while singing the drawing song.
Not only the Cat Song host and the children, but Chizuko, participating as an assistant, also picked up a pen.
I picked a weird bell pepper with a chocolate lantern♪
Chizuko sang along and drew on the whiteboard with the host.
She was surprisingly good at singing, but halfway through, the camera suddenly started focusing only on the host for some reason.

“It’s Spoon-kun~♪”

The drawing song ended with those lyrics.
Just as the children were smiling at the cuteness of the Spoon-kun the host had drawn, their laughter suddenly died down.

“Chi-Chizuko-chan… that…”
“I did my best~♪ Your Spoon-kun is cute too~”

What Chizuko drew was both Spoon-kun and not Spoon-kun.
The outline was a smudged mess, barely recognizable as a face.
What looked like eyes were staring in the wrong direction, and it was impossible to tell what they were looking at.
Sharp, menacing teeth were visible from its mouth, and tentacle-like appendages wriggled out from both sides of its face.
It was clearly not from this world, an indescribable Thing. Faced with such a hideous presence, the children lost their minds and began chanting strange words in unison.

“Ae… ae… gun, gun…”
“Haha… Chi-Chizuko-chan is pretty good at this, too…”

The host couldn’t find any other words to say.
Chizuko didn’t care that the children were chanting or that the staff were glaring at her with sour expressions.
She simply smiled at the camera.

“Thank you so much~♪”

Naturally, complaints flooded in to the production team immediately after the broadcast, and Chizuko never appeared on a children’s program again.
Because of that illustration, she became known online as the “Master Painter” or “Cult Leader,” and she would continue to be the butt of jokes.

“A letter for me, I wonder what this is about~?”

One day, Chizuko received a long, white envelope from a pelican delivery person.
It had a bright red wax seal stamped in the center, and the sender was unknown.

“Huh!?”

For once, her usual smile faded, and Chizuko wore an expression of utter shock.
And no wonder.
The content of the letter was…

“They want me in Sugoi!?”

Chizuko Joins The Fight!!

Sugoi Bros is a sports-themed variety show.
It’s a program featuring mixed martial arts where athletes, celebrities, and even ordinary people can participate.
Winning means getting prize money and other rewards, but of course, it’s not that simple.
To begin with, just securing a spot is difficult enough.
However, given Chizuko’s recent success and her popularity across a wide age range, she was likely granted a special invitation.

“It’s like a dream~. Since I’ve got this chance, I’m going to give it my all~♪”

And so, the day of Sugoi Bros arrived.
Staff and fans, surprised by Chizuko’s sudden entry, were worried that she’d never be able to pull off a mixed martial arts match.
But when the curtain went up, she pulled off some surprisingly impressive moves.

“No open flames allowed, okay~?”

Facing her hawk opponent, who was charging at her engulfed in flames, she doused him with water from a bucket and sent him flying.

“Oh no~! I have to save him~!”

She then swung a fishing rod wildly at her monkey opponent, who was drifting in the ocean.

“What beautiful fireworks~♪”

Next, she launched a haniwa-like figure buried in the ground into the air, sending her crocodile opponent flying.
Finally, she called out a production assistant and locked her adversary inside a shed… and so on.
Her wild antics, too numerous to list, left viewers both stunned and glued to the screen.

“Chizuko-chan, you’re amazing! I never thought you’d actually win the tournament!”

The opening segment of Asajan was all about Chizuko’s victory.
Receiving words of congratulations from Kuma the announcer, Chizuko smiled back.

“Thank you so much! I’m surprised myself~♪”
“You fought in such an eccentric way… There was even a rumor in a weekly magazine that you drank whiskey on the rocks instead of barley tea during the broadcast… Sulky…”
“Hehehehe… I wonder~”
“A-anyway! We’re planning a special celebration segment for the show. Is your schedule okay?”

Yes, since winning Sugoi Bros, Chizuko has become a sensation, appearing on all sorts of shows with unstoppable momentum.
While she continues her work as an announcer, even more opportunities have been pouring in.
Despite all that, Chizuko returns a beaming smile.

“Yes, of course I’m available! This show is my home, after all~”
“Chizuko-chaaan!”

Chizuko will surely face all kinds of situations from now on.
But she’ll probably solve them all with her signature smile.

“Good morning. Today is the Xth of Y, and it’s time for Asajan~♪”

• Asajan might be a reference to Asaichi, a Japanese morning TV show. By the way, this story is f u l l of references to Japanese TV fails and that kind of stuff.

• Ep 2: reference to a moment on the NTV program “Hirunandesu!”. The comedians Wakabayashi and Kasuga of the comedy duo Audrey got carried away and broke a sturdy IKEA chair that had withstood tens of thousands of tests.

• Ep 3: reference to a moment on Weather News, a broadcasting station specializing in weather information. During an episode featuring Gachapin, a character from the children’s program “Hirake! Ponkikki,” its color and the chroma key used for compositing were the same, causing Gachapin to appear transparent. This moment was also included on the NTV program “Monday Late Show.”

• Ep. 4: reference to a moment during the cooking segment of Asaichi. Remi Hirano prepared a dish of boiled broccoli standing upright on a plate with cod roe sauce, resulting in the broccoli constantly toppling over.

• Ep 5: this one references a clip where a guy says that he arrived at 5 AM for the flower view while all his friends would have arrived at noon. It has become a meme known as the Hanami Trace meme.

• Chizuko saying “but if they are happy, that’s okay” is a reference to a moment from Hodo Station where a guy is asked their opinion on Kei Komuro and Princess Mako of Akishino’s engagement.

• Ep 6: the original text uses the word “atsumori”, which is used in Japanese sports programs to comment on great moments. There have been TV bloopers where the “atsumori” voice clip is played on completely unrelated moments (example), and the word entered Internet slang (it’s even referenced in Momoko Arai‘s song!). Since there is no English equivalent, I decided to go with “reaching peak”. Think about reaching the summit of something and seeing the wonderful landscape, which would probably include a forest.

• Oh yeah, the forest footage here might be a reference to the infamous Nice Boat incident.

• Ep 7: reference to a moment from NHK’s children’s program “Okaasan to Issho”, where the singer Shoko Haida drew the character Spoo from “Goo Choco Lantan” by following the drawing song, and the result was… quite nightmareish-looking. She even later stated that it wasn’t a joke art!

• Judging from the children’s reactions to Chizuko’s art, she probably drew a Lovecraftian creature.

• Ep 8: Chizuko is based on Isabelle from Animal Crossing, and this episode is a whole reference to her Smash Ultimate reveal trailer.

• The rumour about drinking whiskey is based on non-Japanese people (unfamiliar with barley tea) believing that Isabelle was drinking whisky in the login scenes of New Horizons.

• “Sulky” (あながち) is the catchphrase of the villager Marshal.