Gomane 

This is the mysterious world of the Gunma Prefecture, where talking animals and humans live together in harmony.
Situated there is Safari City, where many animals live happily every day.

Safari City has a long-established antique shop called “Seal House”. Its owner, Gomane, is a very skilled merchant. …Though there are rumors she’s a bit stingy with money.

Various antiques arrive at Gomane’s shop every day.
Since her hobby is “collecting antique stuff”, she also actively goes out to purchase goods herself.

What do people seek in antique stuff? There are many answers. But Gomane’s view is very simple.
“Buy valuable goods at the lowest price possible, and sell them at the highest price possible!”
…Gomane has no sentimental feelings like romanticizing history or sensing the maker’s spirit. She is extremely rational.

She is also a realist, firmly believing that “Only what happens in the world actually happens. There’s nothing mysterious about it.”

One day, Gomane was sent to judge and purchase curios from the storehouse of a long-established family in Safari City.
Apparently, they wanted to dispose of unwanted stuff while renovating the house.

Gomane cheerfully entered the storehouse.
(The previous owner liked collecting Japanese dolls. There must be some hidden gems here!)

…But contrary to Gomane’s expectations, there was no notable doll.
She then found a Japanese doll that looked unnervingly realistic, but seemed to hold no value as a curio.

(…I certainly don’t need such a dirty doll!)

Gomane tossed the doll aside without a second thought… But it turned out to be a zashiki-warashi that had lived in this old house for many years!

The zashiki-warashi was originally against the house renewal. Moreover, being treated so carelessly by Gomane made it thoroughly disgusted, and it left.

With the zashiki-warashi gone, the old house was suddenly hit by misfortune!

“Eek! There shouldn’t be any open flames, yet suddenly a fire!? …This must be the zashiki-warashi’s curse!”

The servants of the old house knew about the zashiki-warashi, were paralyzed with fear of the curse and couldn’t do anything… But Gomane didn’t believe in zashiki-warashi to begin with, and certainly wasn’t going to believe in a curse.

“Don’t panic over a mere fire!”

In the blink of an eye, Gomane extinguished the source of the fire with a fire extinguisher.

“Honestly, you are so noisy. This makes it impossible to appraise anything in peace. Please be quiet.”

No one dared oppose Gomane anymore. In the end, she didn’t get the Japanese doll she wanted, but she managed to buy other excellent curios at a bargain price.

One day, a very old plate arrived at Gomane’s shop.

“…Hmm, this was originally part of a set for some reason… One plate alone seems valuable, but… I’d like to get the others too.”

…However, her hand slipped, and Gomane accidentally dropped and broke the plate!

“AAAAAAAH!! MY PRECIOUS MERCH!! …What a terrible mistake!!”

As Gomane helplessly gathered the broken shards, a girl suddenly appeared before her.

(Huh? When did this girl get here?)

Gomane initially thought the girl was a customer, but it seemed she wasn’t.

“…Excuse me, would you hire me? …I can only work at night though…”

She looked pale and in poor health, but Gomane’s shop was actually short-staffed at the time.

“Are you good at counting money?”
“…Yes, I’m good at counting. I do it every night.”
“Then you’re hired!”

Gomane decided to test the girl by having her count the day’s takings. …But then.

“One yen… two yen… three yen… four yen… I count so many times, but THERE’S STILL ONE MISSIIIIIIIING!!

The girl let out a chilling cry that would freeze anyone who heard it… but Gomane’s heart was made of steel.

“What? The numbers don’t add up? …Then I won’t allow you to leave until they do.”
“Huh…?”
“Well then, I’ll be off then~”

With that, Gomane promptly retreated to her living space at the back of the shop.

…The next day, the girl didn’t show up. Moreover, the closing work was still only halfway done.

“Goodness! Young people these days are hopeless!”

Fuming with anger, Gomane finished the girl’s tasks herself.

One night, Gomane was returning to her shop after buying supplies.

“…Hey, am I… pretty?”

Suddenly, an unfamiliar woman asked Gomane that question. She wore a mask that seemed disproportionately large for her face.

“…Hey, am I… pretty?”

As the woman persisted, Gomane decided to give a vague answer.

“Well? Hard to tell with that mask, but you have a small face, and your features are well-defined, aren’t they?”
“I see… Even with THIIIIIIS!?”

The woman suddenly ripped off her mask. And behold! Her mouth was horribly split open!

“Even nooooow!? Am I PREEEEETTY!?”

Facing the woman’s maniacal question, Gomane took another good look at her face before replying.

“…Honestly, you are a bit lacking! You are too plain! You have such good natural features, you really need to take better care of yourself!”

The woman with the split mouth stared wide-eyed as Gomane was suddenly lecturing her.

“…Um, well, my mouth is split, you see…”
“You can easily fix it with foundation and concealer! …Lend me your face for a moment!”

Gomane began applying makeup to the woman right on the spot. …And after a while passed.

“Wh-what?! This is me!?”

Fully made up by Gomane, the woman stared at her reflection in the mirror, overwhelmed.

“I can’t believe it… I can be this beautiful!? My complex about my mouth doesn’t bother me at all anymore!”
“Exactly! If you use this cosmetics set, you can transform yourself just like this!”

Gomane showed the woman the cosmetics set she produced.

“I’ll buy it! I’ll buy everything, from the base makeup to the finishing powder!”
“Thanks a bunch♪”

And so, Gomane successfully convinced the woman with the split mouth to buy a full set of high-end cosmetics.

One day, as Gomane was getting ready for bed, something burst through the shoji screen at incredible speed!

“Gyaaah!? Wh-what the heck was that?!”

It seemed to be a newspaper.

“Hey! …Who are you?! Which company are you from?! Pay for the damaged shoji!!”

Gomane stormed outside in a rage… but no one was there.
And no wonder, it was midnight. No newspaper would be delivered at this hour, according to common sense.

But Gomane, still furious about the ruined shoji, didn’t even consider that.

“Ugh… What kind of newspaper is this anyway? I’ll have to give them a proper complaint later.”

Gomane checked the newspaper from cover to cover. …Then.

“…Oh? This newspaper has tomorrow’s date on it, doesn’t it?”

“It must be a typo or a prank.” That’s what Gomane thought… But the next day, the events written on that newspaper actually happened!

And then, at midnight that same day, another mysterious newspaper was delivered to Gomane’s house. Once again, the date was the day after.

“Good heavens! This is a newspaper that reports the future!”

…Though Gomane’s brain usually shuts out the supernatural in automatic, she’s a super rationalist. She uses whatever she can. Especially if it seems useful for business.

“Alright! I’ll use this newspaper to make money!”

From then on, Gomane fully utilized the information in the Future Newspaper, making money through stocks, horse racing, lottery tickets, and every conceivable method. They were pouring in like treasures.

“Hohohohoho! I can’t stop laughing!”

Despite all the benefits it brought her, Gomane treated the Future Newspaper terribly once it was useless, using it to kill cockroaches or as a dehumidifier for her shoes.

…Was that the reason? Before long, the Future Newspaper stopped arriving.

“What the heck?! I was planning to make a little more money!”

…In the end, Gomane never once feared the Future Newspaper arriving.

A request came to Gomane’s shop from an elementary school in Safari City.

“We want you to take the walking Kinjiro Ninomiya statue.”

…Apparently, the statue of Kinjiro Ninomiya placed in a corner of the schoolyard started moving at night. And what was more astonishing was that it wasn’t just walking, it was skipping.

…But of course, Gomane would not believe such a fantastical story.

“…An iron statue moving on its own? Impossible. But hey, I’m lucky I got this thing for free. I’ll sell it to the scrap iron dealer tomorrow!”

Gomane laughed as she patted the statue’s feet. …Somehow, its face seemed to turn pale.

Late that night… Just as Gomane had fallen fast asleep, the troublesome Kinjiro statue began to move!
Having overheard Gomane’s words earlier that day, it resolved to escape.

…But despite its frantic determination, the statue’s foot was caught in a sticky trap. It was a Viet Cong-style burglar trap set by Gomane, rendering the statue completely unable to move.

The next morning… Seeing the statue caught in the trap, Gomane was terrified.

“Oh no… a thief came. Thank goodness my precious merch wasn’t stolen… I really must reinforce the traps more from now on.”

For Gomane, thieves were more terrifying than any supernatural phenomena.

And so, with pity, the statue of Kinjiro Ninomiya was simply rolled up in a bamboo mat and sold off to the scrap iron dealer.

One day, Gomane disposed of a bunch of dolls that couldn’t be sold.
…Most people would probably feel a bit uneasy about throwing away dolls, and might have them blessed at a temple or hire a specialist. But Gomane doesn’t care about that sort of thing at all. She just tossed them out as regular burnable trash.

Then, the very next day….

“…I’m Mary-san.”
“Yes?”

Gomane answered the call from an unknown number, but it was a little girl on the other end. She kept saying things like “Where are you?” and “I’m coming to see Gomane-san,” all one-sided and not making much sense. Plus, she kept calling over and over.

“…It must be a prank call. Seriously, calling during this busy time.”

Gomane blocked the number.
…But even after that, the girl calling herself “Mary-san” used public phones, prepaid cell phones, and every possible means to call Gomane’s cell phone! This pushed Gomane’s stress to MAX levels!

“Aaaah!! Enough already!! You are so annoying!!”

Though Gomane usually kept her phone on for work, today she finally turned it off.

“Phew, that feels better. …Okay, back to work!”

After working restlessly, Gomane turned her phone back on at the end of the day. There were hundreds of missed calls waiting!

“…This is definitely from that ‘Mary’ girl. Really, what kind of person plays such a persistent prank? I’d like to teach her a lesson.”

Gomane, irritated, deleted all the missed calls from unknown numbers.

…Just then, an employee approached her.

“…Manager, in the evening, a doll was left in front of the store. Looks like we forgot to dispose of it yesterday.”
“Forgot? That’s weird… We’ll have to throw it away again.”
“I thought you might say that, so I already took care of it. …The garbage truck just happened to come by, so I handed it over directly.”
“Thank you!”

…Gomane’s shop employee was very level-headed, much like the manager.
But they didn’t know. The prank caller who had angered Gomane that day was now being collected by the garbage truck…
Unaware of this, Gomane was still very much annoyed.

“I will never forgive this ‘Mary’ girl…”

One cold night when snow was piling up, an unfamiliar girl appeared at Gomane’s house.

“…I’m sorry, but this snow has me in a bind. Could I stay here just for one night, please?”

The girl’s skin was pale and translucent. Her delicate, fragile appearance, head bowed, was impossible for even the seasoned Gomane to ignore.

“Oh my! Of course! …I’ll give you a very reasonable rate for lodging.”
“Eh? Ah, yes… Thank you.”

And so, the girl ended up staying at Gomane’s house… but she was a bit unusual.
Gomane, thinking she must be freezing after walking through the snow, had piled plenty of wood into the hearth. Yet the girl wouldn’t go near the fire at all.

(…What a strange child.)

Gomane thought this, but decided to leave it be for now.
However, when the girl even refused Gomane’s prized cypress bath, she couldn’t help but speak up.

“You! Your body is as cold as snow!? Get into the bath and warm yourself up at once! Cold is a woman’s enemy!”
“Ah, well… I…”

Seeing the girl still refusing the bath, Gomane decided enough was enough…

“HAAAAA!!”

She shoved the girl’s back, sending her crashing into the tub. Then, a tremendous cloud of steam filled the bathroom!
…When the steam finally cleared, the girl had vanished. Searching yielded no result.

“…Where the heck did she go? Did she leave without even saying goodbye? …Such a rude child.”

…As an aside, an employee who heard this story reportedly said:

“Once again, I think Gomane-san is amazing.”

One day, Gomane-san received a mysterious fish from the manager of an aquarium shop she knew.

“See how this fish has a human-like face? And it even talks!”
“That’s incredible! Did you say ‘Human-faced Fish’? Could it be a new species? You could sell it for a fortune!”
“Well, about that… its face is… kinda surreal, or maybe creepy-cute…”

Gomane saw the fish’s face for herself and understood. It was a face that could never be called “cute” by any stretch… though if someone asked her, “Then what would a cute human-faced fish look like?”, she wouldn’t know the answer.

“…Anyway, Gomane-san, why don’t you try raising this one? We still have some ‘Raising Kits’, and right now we’re having various people raise them experimentally.”
“I see…”

…And so, Gomane ended up taking on the task of raising the mysterious human-faced fish.

This human-faced fish seemed capable of simple conversation. Plus, it occasionally shared profound thoughts that make one go, “Huh!” Especially regarding work and love, it had many quotes worthy of being preserved for posterity.
…However, its attitude was downright insolent. It looked down on people with a cocky air, and sometimes gave completely nonsensical answers to questions, which would surely irritate short-tempered folks. And Gomane was definitely that type.

At first, Gomane found caring for the fish amusing, but gradually grew to dislike it. And in the end…

“Ah! What the heck! I didn’t notice the heater’s thermometer was broken!”

The water temperature rose, and the poor human-faced fish was completely boiled.

“…I wanted to eat curry.”

With those final words, the fish drew its last breath. Even the usually unflappable Gomane was overcome with guilt.

“…I’ve done a terrible thing.”

Gomane buried the human-faced fish in the backyard and sent a floating lantern down a river resembling Egypt’s Nile, where it was said to have been born, offering a solemn memorial.

One day, Gomane set out to buy goods in a small village deep within Mount Haruna.

The village lay beyond an incredibly steep mountain pass and was utterly desolate. Its population was very small, and there were no young people to be seen. The village’s only youth seemed to be the son of the tofu shop owner, who was currently out making deliveries.

(Oh dear, could such a tiny village really hold any treasures?)

Though Gomane worried about this, she found several high-quality curios, to her delight.
She learned that while the village was now desolate, it had such a distinguished history that legends even spoke of the “Tokugawa Treasure” sleeping there.

Uninterested in historical romance, Gomane only half-listened to the village elder’s tales.
After successfully completing her purchases, she wore a satisfied, beaming smile.

“Hehehe, quite the treasure trove I found… Oops!”

Holding a full load of curios in both arms, Gomane stumbled under the weight. At that very moment, her ample rear end bumped into something, producing a nasty “CRACK!” sound.

“Aaah! T-the legendary katanaaaaaaaa!!”
“Legendary katana?”

Looking down, there was a wooden katana snapped clean in two beneath Gomane’s rear. Seeing its pitiful state, an old woman rushed over in a panic.

“What on earth! This katana was supposed to be used for a town promotion event, with the story that it ‘came from the Tokugawa treasure’…”

The old woman’s shoulders shook violently, as if she were furious.

(This is bad… Better get out of here fast.)
“Hohoho, my apologies, bye bye~!”

Gomane quietly slipped away from the village, trying not to be noticed by the old woman…

“…Hold it! I won’t let you get away!”
“Granny!? That’s my car!!”

The old woman snatched the delivery truck from the tofu vendor who’d just returned and chased Gomane at breakneck speed.

“ORAORAORA!! Don’t you dare underestimate me, they called me “the Fastest in Northern Kanto’!”

Unbelievably, the old woman had once been a street racer known as the “Queen of the Passes”!
She closed in on Gomane at over 100 km/h.

“Well… not bad. But I was once called the ‘Legendary Street Racer’ too! I can’t lose this race! Don’t miss it!”

The old woman and Gomane engaged in a fierce downhill battle.

“She’s insane… A serious danger showed up!! What the heck is this!? Then again, I’ll just have to pull out my secret move and shake her no matter what…!!”

Both had driving skills on par with professional racing drivers. But Gomane’s cornering entered God’s zone!

“The place to make my move is… those five consecutive hairpins ahead!!”

Then she unleashed the technique known as “grip-breaking”, a maneuver that generates cornering force beyond the tire’s normal grip.

“She’s going way too fast, and still dives in tight like that?! Dammit!! She’s diving in faster than me, I can’t keep up…!?”

…Eventually, the old woman’s car vanished into the distance in the rearview mirror.
Watching the tail lights of Gomane’s blue 4WD turbo van fade into the distance, the old woman murmured.

“There really are some incredible people in this world. Mountain passes are so deep.”

Gomane, descending from Mount Haruna, wiped sweat from her brow and smiled.

“…Thank you, Grandma. It’s been ages since I had such a heated downhill battle.”

Gomane’s heart felt incredibly refreshed. She also praised the old woman’s valiant effort in the braking duel.

(Who knew Gunma Prefecture had such a spirited driver… Hehehe. The thrill of the battle still lingers.)

To calm her heightened emotions, Gomane drove her beloved car for a while. But as the sun rose, she shifted her mindset.

“…Alright! Time to get to work with energy today!”

Her expression had already switched from “Legendary Street Racer” to “Legendary Merchant”. Gomane headed to her regular appraiser and promptly asked about the curios she’d acquired in the remote mountain village.

“Ah, Gomane-san. Look at this. Isn’t it rare? It’s a kappa’s arm!”
“I couldn’t care less about that, just appraise my goods. I’m busy here!”

…And so, Gomane continued her hectic business.

The story is full of references to popular urban legends (Touhou nerds must be familiar with most of these).

• EP 2 – Zashiki-warashi

• EP 3 – Banchō Sarayashiki (Okiku’s character)

• EP 4 – Kuchisake-onna

• EP 5 – Terror Newspaper: not an urban legend, but a horror manga about a newspaper that reveals the future

• EP 6 – The moving statue of Kinjiro Ninomiya: one of the so-called seven mysteries of the school

• EP 7 – Mary-san’s phone call: a revengeful doll that keeps pestering her former owner on the phone

• EP 8 – Yuki-onna

• EP 9 – Human-faced fish: as the name says. Also a reference to the game Seaman by SEGA.

• EP 10/11 – Turbo granny

In episode 10, “Don’t miss it!” is written in English in the original Japanese as well. It’s probably a reference to the manga Initial D *eurobeat noises*, turned into an arcade game by SEGA. Also yes, she says ORAORAORA in JP too, it’s not translatable and I think Animalia can get a Jojo reference.