Kotaro 

August 11. Sunny.
I’ve been looking forward to summer vacation.
I thought I’d be able to watch lots of TV and play video games, but Mom and Dad won’t let me stay up late.
I really want to play more, though.
Ugh, I wonder where God is looking.
I’m such a good kid, though.
I wish Mom and Dad would just go away somewhere.

“Huh? Really?”

That day, Mom and Dad told me they wouldn’t be able to come home for a while because of work.
God really does exist!
He must have given me this time just so I could play!

“The lady next door? Eh, I’m totally fine even if she doesn’t come over!”

I don’t hate her, but this means I won’t get to be alone.

That night…
Mom and Dad didn’t come home, but the lady next door showed up.

“Good evening, Kotaro-kun. I made dinner, so let’s eat together, okay?”
“Okay!”
“But, before that! Did you behave yourself and be a good boy today?”
“I did, I did. I’m always a good boy, aren’t I?”
“If that’s the case, then what’s this?”
“Huh!?”

What she was holding was an empty pizza box I was sure I’d thrown away.
I was wondering why she had it, but then she explained it to me.

“You have to hide things properly when you throw them away. It was right out in the open when I went into the kitchen.”
“Oh, right!”

I realized I’d have to make sure not to get caught from now on.

“Hey, hey, this is just for today, okay? Don’t tell Mom and Dad!”
“…Really, just for today?”
“Yeah!”
“Alriiiight. I’ll let it slide this one time. But can I ask you for one favor?”
“What is it? Tell me anything!”
“Actually, tomorrow and the day after, I won’t be able to come because of work.”

I almost esulted, but I held back and listened to her.

“So, I’d like to ask you to take care of Hamcar. Can you do that?”
“Huh!? Hamcar… do you mean Toko Toko Hamcar!?”
“Kotaro-kun, you know about it?”

Toko Toko Hamcar is that famous show that’s all over TV right now.
Everyone knows about it without explaining.

“It’s only for two days, but can you handle it?”
“Yes, yes! I can do it! Yay! I can brag about taking care of Hamcar at school!”
“Well then, I’m counting on you.”
“Hehe, leave it to me!”

I thought it was awesome that the adults would all be gone from tomorrow.
After all, no matter what I do, there’s no one to get mad at me for the next two days!

August 12. Sunny.
Today starts my free summer vacation, with no one around.
I have to take care of Hamcar, but he’s so cute, so it’s totally fine!

“Hello, I’m Kotaro, and I’ll be taking care of you starting today. Nice to meet you!”
“Kyu!”

Hamcar came rubbing up against me, squeaking.
I thought he must be a very friendly little guy.

“Here, it’s time to eat. Have a big meal.”
“Kyu-kyu!”

Hamcar looked so cute while eating.
After I fed Hamcar and went back inside, the doorbell rang.

“Oh, looks like someone’s here. I wonder if it’s the pizza I ordered earlier.”

When I looked outside through the peephole, there were two police officers standing there.
A chubby dog and a tall monkey.
I was so surprised and thought I hadn’t done anything wrong.

“W-why!? W-what should I do?!”
“I just heard a voice. If someone is home, could you please come out?”

Realizing I couldn’t escape, I opened the door and stepped out in front of the police officers.

“Hey, hello. We’re here to-“
“I did nothing wrong! I ordered pizza without telling Mom and Dad, but I think it’s the fault of whoever put that coupon in our mailbox!”
“Haha, I see, I see. So you ordered pizza in secret. I love pizza too, so I order it all the time.”

I thought I was going to get scolded, but the chubby dog gave me a big smile.

“A-are you here to arrest me?”
“No no. If ordering pizza got you arrested, I’d have to arrest this guy over and over again.”
“Hahaha…”

They both seemed like really nice people.
I was relieved to hear they weren’t here to arrest me.

“We’re going around telling the neighbors that there’s been thieves in the area lately.”
“Huh! Thieves!?”
“Yeah, that’s right. …By the way, are your mom and dad home?”
“Nope, they’re at work. That’s why I’m home alone. I’m being a good boy, right?”
“Oh, all by yourself. I see, I see… You’re such a good kid. Don’t you get lonely at night?”
“I’m totally fine!”

I’m not a child, so I’m not scared even when I’m alone, and I don’t feel lonely at all.
Besides, I’ve got Hamcar, so I’m fine.

“So, just to be safe, we’d like to check the security system. Would it be okay if we took a quick look?”
“Sure, go ahead!”

The police officers were talking about things like “that spot is good” or “you can see from there,” but I didn’t understand most of it.
After a while, the two of them came back.

“Hey, kid. We checked the security system. Everything looks fine, so don’t worry.”
“Okay, thanks!”
“Well then, please be careful.”

The chubby guy gave me a big smile.
I could see a gold tooth shining on his front teeth.

“That gold tooth is cool!”
“Oh, you’ve got good taste. This is something I really treasure.”
“Really?”
“Well, we’re off now. And if you eat nothing but pizza, you’ll end up looking like me, so don’t overdo it.”

The police officers went on their way, laughing.
I hoped they’d catch the thieves soon.

August 13. Cloudy.
I took good care of Hamcar again today.

“Let’s go, Hamcar! Ticky-Ticky!”
“Kyukyu!”

I played with Hamcar in the garage of my neighbour.
I really wanted to drive around outside together, but I was told I wasn’t allowed to take him out.

“It…s…a…hole…”
“I hear voices nearby. I wonder if someone’s coming.”

I thought about stepping out of the garage to see who was there, but I stopped myself.
I figured it would be way more fun to jump out suddenly and scare them.

“This house has pretty solid security.”
“You’re right. There’s a camera over here, too.”

The man’s voice I heard sounded familiar.
I peeked outside through a crack in the garage and saw two men in work clothes.

“Huh, I feel like I’ve seen them before…”
“The house where that kid came out yesterday is a better target than this one.”
“You’re right. Luckily, it looks like the kid’s home alone, so it’ll be a piece of cake.”

As the man who’d said that grinned, a gold tooth glinted on his front teeth.
I realized he was the chubby cop from yesterday.

“Why would cops…”

I kept listening to their conversation.
Then, they started talking about something strange.

“Now that we’ve decided, let’s go pay them a visit tonight. Let’s head home to get ready.”
“Yeah, I hope there’s a lot of valuables there.”

The two of them walked away laughing.
I realized that the house they were talking about was my own.

“Wait, are those two thieves!?”
“Kyu…”
“What should I do? They said they’d come tonight…”
“Kyu-kyu…”
“Isn’t this my chance?! If I catch the thieves, I’ll be on TV!”
“Kyuu!?”

I decided to fight the thieves that night.
Since I know they’re coming, catching them will be a piece of cake.

“Hehe, now that I’ve decided, I’ve got to get ready! Alright, here I go!”

August 13. Night. Cloudy.
To catch the thieves, I decided to set traps all over the house.
It was so much fun. I even made sure to leave escape routes, so my plan was perfect.
With this, I’ll be famous too.

“The lights are off.”
“It’s just a kid, he’s probably already asleep.”

As I waited in the dark, I heard the thieves’ voices from outside.
I could hear the sound of them fumbling with the door, but I’d locked everything up tight.

“Surely he didn’t forget to lock the front door, right? Hey, what about over there?”
“Whoa, this one’s open! As expected from a kid. Looks like he forgot the basement.”

It was the chubby one who looked down.
Of course, I hadn’t forgotten to lock it. I left it open on purpose.

“Alright, we’re going in here. Keep it quiet so he doesn’t wake up.”
“Got it.”

I looked at the camera I’d set up, and there I saw those two entering the basement.
From the first floor, I began preparing to activate the trap in front of the basement door.

“Alright, where should we start?”
“…Hey, isn’t it a little too hot in here?”
“You’re just too fat. I’m always telling you to lose weight so you can work more efficiently.”
“I-I admit I’m fat, but…!
“So, it’s just your imagination… n-no, wait, it really is hot!”
“Damn, what is this? I can’t stop sweating!”

The thieves start looking around nervously.
I watched them while I pressed the buttons on the remote control.

“W-what is this!? Why is fog coming out in the room!”
“…No! That’s steam!”

It seemed they’d finally figured it out, and I couldn’t help but chuckle a little.
It was a special trap I’d set up to turn the basement into a sauna.
There was a bit too much steam, but I figured this was just about right.

“That’s great. If you go into the sauna, even a fatty like you will get slim.”
“Hey, you heard that?! Is this that little brat’s doing?!”

The thieves looked around again.
But I wasn’t there.

“There’s no point looking for me. I’m safe and sound.”
“…Wait, listen carefully. Over there! Look, there’s a door over there!”

The thieves spot the door and start running toward it.
But maybe because the steam is blurring their vision, they keep bumping into things as they go.

“Damn it, I can’t see a thing, and now sweat’s getting in my eyes! I won’t let that brat get away with this!”
“Alright, we’re here. Let’s get the hell out of this room!”

The tall guy, soaked from head to toe in sweat and steam, reached for the doorknob.
Just then…

“Bwaaah!?”
“W-what the hell is this!?”

The electricity I’d run through the doorknob sent a shock through the thieves.
Since they were both wet, a lot of electricity was certainly flowing through them.

“Help-AAAAAHHHH!?”

When the chubby guy tried to help and touched the tall guy, the electricity ran through him too.
But the chubby guy immediately collapsed, and his hand slipped off the doorknob.

“A-are you okay…?”
“It’s still flickering… Damn brat, I’ll kill you!”

This time, to avoid touching the doorknob, the chubby guy kicked the door and broke it.
But I knew he’d do that.

“Now that it’s come to this, I’ll finish-“

Just as the thieves were trying to get out the door, I dropped a bowling ball tied to a rope.

“Whack!?”

The bowling ball hit the chubby guy in the stomach, sending him flying backward with great force.
He crashed into the tall guy, and they both tumbled back into the basement.

“Strike! Just as I expected, a direct hit!”
“O-ow! Damn kid, I’ll knock you out!”

The chubby guy got back up and started approaching the door.

“Oh, right. I’ve got one more left, so I’ll give you a bonus!”

Saying that, I dropped the other bowling ball I’d been holding.

“Hah, like I’m gonna fall for the same trick twice! I’m gonna catch you now!”

The thieves dodged the bowling ball.

“Just a kid, after all. Don’t underestimate adults-“

But the bowling ball was tied to a rope, so it came back from behind and hit the tall guy in the back.

“Guh-huh!?”
“Whoa!?”

He was pushed into the chubby guy, and the two of them fell over together.

“Hehe! That’s no good, you’ve gotta dodge better.”

I was thrilled that my traps had worked.
The next one’s bound to go well, too.
I thought to myself, catching thieves is really easy.

The night with the thieves is far from over.
I knew exactly where they were headed next.

“Let’s go after that little brat!”

The thieves didn’t even glance at the expensive-looking vases and paintings right in front of them; they started searching for me.
I thought they should just grab those and run, but I didn’t say anything.
They chased after me as I ran away.
But I had scattered lots of Rego block parts all over the place.

“Ouch!? W-what the hell is this toy?!”
“That brat did this, didn’t he? We can handle this with sheer willpower!”

The thieves stumbled forward, stepping on the parts with obvious discomfort.
I thought they should just move the parts out of the way as they walked.
So, I decided to be kind and make it easier for them to walk.

“Hey, looks like you’re having a hard time walking. I’ll make it easier for you!”
“The hell are you doing!?”

I poured salad oil onto the floor.
Thanks to the slippery surface, the thieves fell backward with a thud.

“Ow! A block’s stuck in my back!”
“I can’t stand up! Do something about this oil!”

The thieves try to get up, but they slip on the oil, and every time they fall, a part gets stuck in them.

“Hey, there’s a rope over here. That kid must have used this to dodge the blocks!”

The tall guy notices the rope I’d set up.
As he grabbed it to pull himself up…

“You idiot, stop!”

The chubby guy tried to stop him, but it was too late, and he pulled on the rope.
Tied to the other end was a piping-hot iron.

“Owwwwwwwwww!”

The iron fell onto his face.
I’m sure he ended up with a nice, iron-shaped sunburn.
After seeing that, I immediately ran into the room and called the police.

“Hello, is this the police? There are thieves in my house right now. My name is…”

I was about to say my name, but for some reason, the call got cut off before I could.
Just as I was wondering why, the chubby guy walked into the room with the phone cord.

“Too bad. Now you can’t call anyone for help, you little brat!”
“You’re already here!?”

I frantically threw the phone at him and bolted out the nearest door.
If I just get to my room upstairs, all I have to do is catch them, so I’ll be fine, right?

The thieves were chasing me.
But I was sure that if I just made it upstairs, everything would work out.
At least, that’s what I thought.

“Hey, the kid’s running upstairs! Block the stairs!”

As the chubby guy shouted, the tall guy ran toward the stairs.
I managed to reach the stairs just before him, but he was right behind me.

“Gotcha!”
“Whoa!?”

The tall guy caught up to me and grabbed my leg.
I tried to break free, but he was too strong, and I couldn’t escape.

“You’re ready for this, right? I’m gonna make you pay back everything you owe us!”

Thinking I had to escape somehow, I pulled out something I’d prepared just for this situation.
It was a bunch of realistic bug toys.
I scattered the toys from my pouch toward the tall guy.

“Gyaaaaaa!? B-bugs!? H-help me, I hate bugs!”

He let go of my leg to brush off the toy bugs I’d thrown, so I took that opportunity to run away immediately.

“You idiot! What the hell are you doing?!”
“There’s spider, cockroaches!?”
“I’ll take care of them. Stay put, don’t you dare move.”
“W-wait-“

Before the tall guy could stop the chubby guy, he swung the crowbar he was holding down.

“Eeek!?”
“Alright, I took care of the bugs!”
“What the hell are you doing?! You hit me!”
“But I did something about the bugs. See, they’re not moving anymore, right?”
“…Wait, aren’t that just toys?!”

Realizing that what I’d thrown were toys, the tall guy slammed it onto the floor.

“H-He’s making fun of me!”
“Let’s go chase him!”
“Chase who? I’m right here!”

I looked down from the second floor at the thieves below the stairs.
They glared up at me from below, but I just raised my secret weapon.

“Y-you… what’s that in your hand!?”
“Here I go~, Sterilize the garbage!”

What I was holding was a homemade flamethrower I’d modified from a lighter.
When I pressed the switch, a small, though not huge, pillar of flame shot out.

“Do you really think you- Owwww, awrawrawrawra!?”
“Waaahhh!?”

It seemed the salad oil from earlier had caught fire. Though the flames were small, they spread all over the thieves’ bodies.
They started rolling around on the floor, trying to put out the fire.
When the fire finally went out, and they stood up, I looked at their heads and laughed.

“Is it really that funny to watch people on fire!?”
“No, it’s just that you two look so funny!”
“Funny? …H-hey, you-your hair!?”
“Waaaaaah! My precious hair, aaaaaah!?”

The thieves looked at each other in shock.
Every single hair on their bodies had been burned off, yet a small patch on the top of their heads remained untouched.
It looked just like a mohawk, and I couldn’t help but laugh when I saw it.

“That’s a crazy hairstyle!”
“YOU DAMN BRAAAAT!

I ran into my room, escaping from the thieves coming up the stairs.
At this point, I’ve got this in my hands.
I’ve got a special trap set up in my room.
There’s no doubt the thieves will admit defeat.

Finally, the battle with the thieves is coming to an end.
All I have to do is get into my room, and then I can catch them with my final trap.
My heart pounding, I dashed into my room.
Just as I was about to close the door…

“Okay, I made it just in time!”

The tall guy’s hand suddenly poked through the crack in the door.
I was startled, but I kept slamming the door shut, pinching his fingers over and over.

“Ouchchchchch!”

When he yelped and pulled his hand back, I immediately locked the door.

“Hey, hey, what are you doing? Hurry up and come over here to help me open the door!”
“Then let’s just pry it open with that crowbar from earlier!”

It sounded like the thieves were making a racket outside, trying to do something.
But I didn’t pay any attention to that; I opened the window.
There was a rope I’d prepared earlier that day, tied to a tree in the yard.
I walked along the rope, balancing myself just like a circus performer.

“Just a little more, a little more…”

As I was crossing the rope, I heard the sound of the door being smashed from behind.
When I turned around, I saw the burglars about to burst into my room.

“You can’t escape! …Huh, he’s not here?”
“Over there! Out the window!”

The chubby guy pointed in my direction.

“You think you can escape on a rope!?”
“Ah, what should I do? I’m out of traps, and if they get over here, it’s the end.”

I thought it might seem a little too obvious, but the dumb thieves didn’t notice.

“Hahaha! What, ran out of tricks already? Well then, just as you wished, we’ll cross over to you!”

Saying that, the thieves both stepped onto the rope, and it swayed a little. It was scary.
But I managed to make it across.

“Hey, the kid made it across! We’ve gotta catch him before he calls the cops!”
“I know, so hurry up!”

They were about halfway across the rope, so if things kept going like this, they really would cross over.
So, I took a pair of scissors out of my pouch.
I showed them to the thieves.

“Hey, hey, do you know what this is?”
“Huh? You don’t even know what that is? It’s a pair of scissors!”
“What? Scissors…? Scissors!?”
“You better run away fast. I’m gonna cut the rope.”

I started cutting the rope with the scissors.
But since I’d chosen a thick rope so it would be safe to walk on, it took a little while to cut through.

“Hey, get back here fast!”
“I-idiot, don’t push me! What if I fall?!”

The thieves were scrambling around on the rope.
Thanks to that, I had time to cut the rope, and I was almost done.

“Hey, it’s about to snap. Are you sure you want me to keep going?”
“N-no! We’ll buy you toys, so just throw those scissors away!”
“Really?”
“Yeah, we’ll buy you as many as you want, okay?”
“But you see, Mom and Dad told me I’m not supposed to accept stuff from strangers.”
“Wait, hold on-“
“Well, bye-bye!”

I put all my strength into the scissors, and with a snip, the rope snapped.

“Waaaaaah!?”

The thieves screamed as they fell, crashing down into the yard with a thud.
When I looked down at the yard from up in the tree, I saw them foaming at the mouth.

“Hehe, how’s that for you! I caught the thieves, so now I’m making my TV debut~!”

I was so happy that I started jumping up and down right there.
I’d completely forgotten I was up in a tree, so I didn’t notice the crack of the branch.

“If I’m on TV, I’ll have to think about autographs. I’m sure I’ll have to sign a lot of them!”

Then, there was a crack, and suddenly I felt my body get lighter.

“Whoa!?”

Before I knew it, I was falling from the tree.
It felt like everything was in slow motion, and I could see the ground slowly getting closer.
I thought it was over, and closed my eyes.
Just then, I heard a sound like something breaking, and I was suddenly wrapped in something soft and warm.

“W-what?”
“Kyu!”

When I opened my eyes, there was my neighbor, Hamcar.
Hamcar had saved me.

“You saved me! Thank you!”
“Kyu-kyu!”
“But you broke the fence.”
“Kyu…”
“It’s okay, I’ll apologize with you!”
“Hey, what was that noise just now!?”

People from other houses had heard the loud noise and started gathering one after another.
I climbed down from Hamcar, pointed at the yard, and shouted.

“It’s nothing. I just took down a couple of thieves!”

August 31. Sunny.
Ever since the day I caught those thieves, I’ve been super busy.
I told the police what happened, and I even got a thank-you letter.

Of course, I also appeared on TV, which I’d been looking forward to.
I was invited to lots of shows and got to meet tons of famous people. It was so much fun.

Well, I guess I’ve become one of those famous people myself now.
I’m not going to brag about it, though.

But there was one thing I did want to brag about to everyone in my class.
It’s that they’ve decided to make a movie based on my experience.

I think it’s called… “Lonely House.” I wanted to play myself, but acting is really hard, so I gave up. But they said they’d let me see it first when it’s finished, so I’m really looking forward to it.

By the way, Mom and Dad promised to take me to “Tokyo” this break as a reward for all my hard work.

And they’re taking me by plane, which I love. They even showed me the tickets they booked to prove they weren’t lying…

To me, it looked like it said “Kyoto,” but maybe I’m just imagining things. Well, I’m sure I must have misread it. I’m already looking forward to the trip.

It started out as a boring summer vacation, but I’ve made so many memories.

Thank you, God. But next time, please don’t give me any tough memories, just fun ones.
Please take care of that for me!

• Because this story has elements of Hamtaro, I decided to sneak in a Ham-Chat and use the Italian title of the series (since in EN it’s just “Hamtaro”) in parts where the original text made puns with the Japanese title (Tottoko Hamtaro). For the TV show mentioned in ep.1, I left it as it was since it’s a reference to Pui Pui Molcar.

• Ep 6: “Sterilize the garbage!” is a quote from Flamethrower Man, a character from Fist of the North Star who became a huge meme.

• Ep 7: when Kotaro says “it’s the end”, he says オシマイダー (oshimaidaa) in the original Japanese. Oshimaida are the main monsters in Hugtto Pretty Cure.