Enishi 

I woke up to a shaking sensation.
It seems I had been sleeping in a small boat.
The surroundings were dim and foggy; I had no idea how long I’d been here or where this place even was.

But first of all, who am I?

I couldn’t recall my name or anything else.
Trying to remember brought on a terrible headache and dizziness.

“Who am I, exactly…”

The only thing I knew for certain was that I was alone in this dim, fog-shrouded world.
If someone else were here, I could ask about it, but the fog was thick, and I couldn’t see anything…

“Is that… an island?”

Despite the poor visibility in the fog, for some reason I could make that out clearly.
This small boat seemed to be heading toward that island…
No, perhaps it would be more accurate to say it was being drawn toward it.
Rocked by the boat’s motion, a landing came into view after a while.
I had hoped someone might be there, but that hope seemed rather slim.
It was so dilapidated that it felt appropriate to call it ruins.

“Is no one here…”

It was a muttered question, meant for no one in particular…

“No, there is someone. I’m here, alone.”

Looking toward the voice, I saw a girl standing there.
She had translucent white skin and white hair that reached her feet.
And she wore mourning clothes, as if wrapped in darkness itself.

“Who are you?”
“Pleased to meet you. I am Enishi. I am a guide in this afterlife.”

A voice as delicate and clear as a bell, yet crisp and beautiful.
That was my first impression of the girl who called herself Enishi.

Enishi said that this island was the afterlife.
No people, no animals, not even plants grew there.
We walked together through this world, which seemed colored entirely by gray paint.

“Where are we going now?”
“We must prepare for your reincarnation. First, we must gradually shape your soul-“
“Wait, reincarnation? And this place you call the afterlife…”
“…I see. So that’s how it is. You come from a world without concepts like ‘the mortal world’ or ‘the afterlife,’ don’t you?”

As she spoke, Enishi began to explain.
The afterlife was where souls gathered after death, while the mortal world was the realm of the living we knew well.

“If this is the afterlife, then I am…”
“Yes, it may be hard to accept, but you no longer belong to the mortal world. You are a deceased soul who has arrived in the afterlife.”

I couldn’t easily accept the idea that I was dead.
But seeing this place, I had no choice but to accept those words.
Still, why had I died?

“Ugh…!”

Trying to recall how I died made my vision sway again, causing me to feel dizzy and lightheaded.

“You mustn’t force yourself to remember. Your soul’s essence is still unstable.”
“Did you pass away too, and come here?”
“No, I am a native of this world. It’s rather odd, I suppose, for someone to live in the world after death.”

Enishi said this with a smile, then took my hand in hers.
Her hand was astonishingly cold, devoid of any warmth.

“If you go from here without holding hands with someone from the afterlife, you’ll be cast into its abyss.”
“What are we going to do now…?”
“We’ll head to the mortal world and embark on a journey to places related to you.”
“Does that mean my memories will return?”
“When you died, you became a soul and were carried here. At that moment, the connection between the memories left in your body and your soul was severed.”
“So I won’t be able to remember…”
“Yes. Memories reside in your body, not in your soul.”
“Then why must we reconnect them? What’s the point of a bond with someone I can’t even remember…?”
“It’s necessary to fix your unstable soul.”

She mentioned my soul being unstable earlier, too. What exactly is happening to it?

“…However, if there are memories you feel you absolutely must not forget, perhaps those might be etched into your soul and remain there.”
“Into my soul…”
“Well, let us go. To the world where you lived.”

I set out to traverse the mortal world alongside Enishi
The first place we arrived at was nothing but piles of rubble, like a ruin.

“There’s nothing there that feels related to me…”
“Yes. Then, let us begin the ritual.”

At each location, Enishi handed me a candlestick.

“What is this?”
“Light the flame in the candlestick.”
“…This too has meaning, I see.”
“By lighting the flame, that light becomes a beacon to guide your soul. Close your eyes and pray for the peace of your soul.”

Closing my eyes as Enishi closed hers, I followed suit.
Praying for peace meant offering silent prayers to my dead self, I suppose.
Was this what stabilizing my soul entailed?
Yet, as I prayed silently, I was overcome by an unsettling sensation, as if I’d seen it all before, yet it felt entirely new.

“Now, to the next place.”

Enishi took my hand and began walking.
We passed factories making humanoid things, open fields with sweeping views.
At each place, just as before, we lit a lamp and offered silent prayer.
I’d been told it was to stabilize my soul, but all that remained for me was that unsettling feeling.
Enishi had said that if I had memories etched deep enough into my soul, I would be able to recall them.
But at every location, I couldn’t remember anything from that time.

“Is this place truly related to me?”
“Yes. Your soul is stabilizing, little by little.”
“…”
“Please don’t worry too much. Very few people actually remember. In fact, I think it’s better if you can’t remember.”
“Even though they are my own memories?”
“If you regain memories from your life, they become regrets. That could distort your soul.”

Even so, I think it’s better to remember than not to.
Better than ending up lost, not even knowing who I am.

“Then let us proceed to the final place. To the place where your last relation lies.”

Led by Enishi, I headed toward the next location.
But each time we moved to a new place, I felt a little melancholy.
Because it was a place I knew, even though I didn’t know myself.

“We’re here. This is the final place.”
“This is…!”

It was a place where several adults and many children lived.
They seemed to live there, repairing a house that wasn’t large and looked like it might collapse any moment.
But the people who lived there were full of smiles, seeming to live happily despite their difficult circumstances.
…And I remember this place.

“That’s right, this is where I… where I lived…!”

Bit by bit, I’m reclaiming memories I shouldn’t be able to recall.

“There were people I had to protect. Those children were all so kind, and every day we lived together was full of joy… Yet I hurt them…!”

That’s right, those children. Who were those children who lived with me?
I can’t recall their names or faces.
I should have remembered those days we spent together.
Yet something vital is missing.

It’s awful… Awful, awful, awful, awful-

Tears that shouldn’t flow spill endlessly.
I remember, yet I can’t remember. This flaw is pathetic, hateful, frustrating, and my tears won’t stop.
The gray shadows in my vision spread like mud, staining everything black.
If this is me, then let the shadows swallow me whole…

“So that is your regret, your lingering attachment.”

As consciousness faded, only Enishi’s voice rang clear.

The world darkened, stained black by a thick shadow.
If this was the lingering attachment Enishi had spoken of, I thought it wouldn’t matter if I were swallowed by the shadows.
If it could atone for the sorrow I had caused those children-

“The souls of the dead need no atonement.”

A gentle voice echoed in my head, enveloping me in warmth.

“But I…”
“Did you truly only hurt them? Could you not have left them anything?”
“What I left them…”
“You built them a home to return to, and you created a family for them. Do you understand how happy that made them?”
“Do you really think so…?”
“Yes. Just look closely at this place. Don’t you see everyone smiling?”

At Enishi’s prompting, I looked at the expressions of the children there.
Despite surely leading difficult lives, every single one of them was smiling.

“Those children are still living happily now…”

As I watched their smiles, the shadows slowly began to recede.
The shadow clinging to my body dried like sand and flaked off.

“That’s good. If you had been swallowed up like that, there was nothing I could have done.”

When I came to, I was being held tightly by Enishi. Only then did I realize that warmth I felt earlier had been hers.

“What exactly was that…”
“When performing this ritual, if regrets or lingering attachments to the mortal world become too strong, one can sometimes be consumed by that darkness.”
“Regrets…”

The children whose faces and names I couldn’t recall.
I must have regretted leaving them behind.
But those children aren’t children forever.
I‘m sure they’re living strong lives now, even without me.

“This ritual also serves to sever such attachments.”
“So… is this ritual finished now?”
“Truthfully, a special ritual was required. But by overcoming your own attachments, you’ve managed to sever your relations to the mortal world.”
“Relations to the mortal world?”
“With those relations still remaining, you cannot form new ones.”
“Cut relations? What does that mean…”
“Do you remember the places you’ve visited until now?”
“Huh? That’s…”

I tried to recall at Enishi’s prompting, but couldn’t remember.
Where I... Where I had been going?

“This severs all relations to the mortal world. You shouldn’t feel uneasy about not remembering.”

I tried to recall my memories as instructed, but the dizzying vertigo that used to distort the scenery didn’t come.
Is this what severing relations with the mortal world feels like?

“Then, let us proceed to the final ritual.”
“There’s more?”
“You will now form a new relation. With a new vessel.”

The place Enishi and I arrived at was a pitch-black void.

“Nothing here?”
“No, look closely.”

Following her words, I strained my eyes and saw something faintly glowing.

“Candlesticks…”

The candlesticks already held lit flames, suspended in the air.
Taking hold of this single light in the otherwise empty, dark world, I felt a strange sense of comfort and warmth.
That warmth was very similar to what I had felt when Enishi embraced me.

“What is this?”
“This light is the radiance of life before it is born into the mortal world. Look closely around you.”

Looking around, I saw several other lights burning in candlesticks.

“All of these are living things. Humans, plants, animals… they take many forms.”
“These lights?”

Staring intently at the light, I glimpsed a scene different from this space.

“This is…”
“The lights are showing you… a little way into the future. The world beyond your reincarnation…”

What was reflected there… was the interior of a house that felt somehow familiar, yet looked as if it might break apart at any moment.

The world visible within the light.
Within one particular light, inside a house that seemed ready to collapse, a woman lay on a bed, and a man stood beside it, holding her hand and calling out to her desperately.
The woman’s belly was greatly swollen, and that alone made clear that a new life was about to be born.

“They are very kind people, but their lives are still unstable. The light’s glow is faint… There’s no guarantee you’ll be happy.”
“…No, if I can be their child, I’m sure I’ll be happy.”
“Why can you say that so confidently?”
“I don’t know. But…”
“********************”

They were talking about something.
I couldn’t understand their words. Were they deciding on a name for the child? Or discussing when it would be born?
One thing was certain: their faces were filled with happy smiles.

“If it’s possible, I want to form a new relation as their child.”
“…If you insist. I’ll send you here, as you wish. Make sure you make them happy.”

Saying this, Enishi gently caressed me with affection.
I couldn’t feel her body temperature, yet strangely, I felt a definite warmth.

The time to part with Enishi had come.

“You know, I’ll miss seeing you.”
“It would be happier for you if we never met again.”
“Even so, our meeting was fate, wasn’t it?”
“…Hehe, perhaps you’re right.”

Enishi took out a single flower… a lily. She held it to her chest, closing her eyes as if in prayer.

“This flower…”
“This is a flower of celebration offered to you as you receive new life.”
“Thank you…”

As if responding to Enishi’s prayer, a gentle, warm light gradually enveloped me.
I could feel myself slowly dissolving into the space.
The last thing I sensed within it was the faint scent of the lily flower.

And so, another soul would return to the mortal world.
Peering into the lamp’s glow, I could distinctly feel that the soul of that child had entered the woman reflected there.
Neither the severed memories of past lives nor the journey we shared remained.
My duty was to deliver the soul.
Holding the lily close, I gazed at the small light.
Though the life ahead would be harsh, with no certainty of happiness, I had safely delivered it.
Praying for his safety, I let a smile of relief flicker across my face.

A child and his parents enjoyed themselves peacefully amidst a vast expanse of white flowers.
Gentle breezes caused the blossoms to sway softly.

“Huh? This scent…”
“Oh? Is something wrong?”
“What’s this flower called?”

The child picked a white flower and showed it to his mother.

“This is called a lily.”
“Oh, so it’s called a lily!”
“Do you like that flower?”
“Yes! Because this flower’s scent makes me feel like I’m being hugged by you, Mom!”
“Oh, that’s such a lovely thing to say.”
“Haha, you say funny things sometimes. I wonder who you take after.”
“Well then, since we’re here, I’ll make you a candle with this flower.”
“Really? Thank you, Mom!”

The sight of the family laughing and spending time together like this looked incredibly happy.
It seemed his wish had reached them after all.
Alone, gazing from the ashen world, a girl gently traced the boundary between the mortal world and the afterlife with her white fingers.

“Live happily, and may you find much joy until the day we can meet again.”

The girl spoke these words, her gentle smile carrying a quiet prayer.

• The kanji for Enishi’s name is 縁, which means bonds, relationships, connection, and fate as a force that binds two people. This kanji often appears in the original text. I tried to use the word “relation” where possible, as a nod to the label’s name.

• Ep.3/Ep.4: when the soul recalls his old memories, he switches from watashi (わたし) to boku (ボク), which is the pronoun he used during the better part of his life (if you have read his story, you know). He reverts to watashi when he overcomes his regrets.