Monsieur Chapeau

• Their entire story deals with demonic possession of people of all ages.

• General cult activity and occultism. 

Hello there, welcome! Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls!

My name is Monsieur Chapeau. Please feel free to call me Monsieur. The strongest, most terrifying, most violent, and most insane ENTERTAINMENT in the world! This is Monsieur Chapeau's show!

Monsieur Chapeau, an entertainer, recently arrived in town. You can’t see their face, can’t tell what type of person they are, or possibly comprehend what they’re thinking. Their plastered-on smile is similar to that of an illusionist straight out of a storybook. What makes them distinctive is their large hat. Said hat makes a spectacular showing at Monsieur’s show. There’s two to three of the identical hat, and anyone who helps with the show has the privilege of touching them. And also, it’s a miraculous hat in which you can put anything inside— and take anything out.

“Monsieur, what kind of show will you give today?”

Today’s guests are innocent children. There’s a lot of boys and girls. From little kids to big kids, everyone is entranced by Monsieur’s show.

“Today, I’m going to do a show with my hat again!”

Monsieur twirls their hat on their finger as the children watch, mesmerized.

“Who should I choose today?”

Monsieur points at the children in front of them with their finger, counting one, two, three. And the eyes that peek out from their tipped hat emit an ominous glow, as if they’re trying to ascertain something.

“Well then, young lady over there.”

Monsieur selects a little girl that lives in a monastery. The girl runs up to Monsieur, overjoyed.

“Would you like to be my assistant, young lady?”

“I can do it!”

“That’s a very good answer.”

Now, Monsieur's show begins.

Their hat floated up in the air, spinning around in circles. When one of them covered the girl, the very next moment, something akin to a dark cloak obstructed the view of the audience――

“Aaaand, as you see.”

―An instant.

In only an instant, the girl completely vanishes from that spot. The clapping seems endless. Then, birds fly out from the interior of the hat, followed by another round of applause. In the sea of spectators, a boy notices what happened.

Where could the girl that disappeared have gone?

The greatest entertainer in town, Monsieur Chapeau, is a magician whose personal background, identity, and true face are completely unknown. The main part of the show is the disappearing and reappearing act— which they also do to themselves.[1]

What does that mean?

You’ll understand it when you see it.

“It seems like Monsieur is going to come back again today.”

I’m an insignificant journalist. Year by year, I’m ridiculed for writing articles that never sell. If you bring up reporters with poor reputations, my name would surely be said. But fortunately, I’ve procured information on a topic that’s become very popular recently.

It’s Monsieur Chapeau’s show.

“Please pay me no mind.”

However, just because I’m a journalist, it doesn’t mean that I do proper interviews.

The secret that everyone is intrigued by; namely, the inner workings of their sleight of hand, and magic— I’ll introduce it by weaving together a narrative of falsehoods and truths.

When I thought I was going to be fired from my job any time now, the concept I wrote down out of desperation garnered a huge response.

“...Tch. There’s a ton of people today.”

On days such as these, you must be watchful with your timing. This is at least partly because from a distance, the wall of people makes it difficult to get a good photograph of the subject.

“However, the number of visitors has increased, as expected. It used to be all children, but now it’s at least half-full of adults here, isn’t it?”

It has been a little over 10 days since Monsieur Chapeau came to this town. They’re being treated like a celebrity that represents the place. That's why the article's popularity is guaranteed, it's a godsend.

“...Today’s a miss, huh.”

Today’s results were unfavorable due to the crowd of people. However, as of recently, Monsieur Chapeau’s show has been held every day. Just one day—

“My my, you could have arrived earlier if you wanted. It doesn’t bother me.”

“...?!”

Abruptly, a voice came from right beside me without any warning. It sounds like someone I recognize. Monsieur Chapeau.

“You’re the reporter who wrote an article about me, right?”

“...Wh-What are you going to do with me?”

“My goodness, I don’t like it when people compare me to something like a monster. I might as well ask, I request a little cooperation.”

—What the hell could they be asking me to “cooperate” with?

It’s said that after seeing Monsieur Chapeau’s show, some people vanish and never come back.

Maybe I’m going to vanish here too…

“No no, please don't be so afraid. I’d like for you to print an extra large advertisement in your paper.”

“An advertisement… Then you’ll provide me with official information for it?”

“Thaaaat’s correct! Make no mistake about it.”

Overcome with a feeling of dread, the reporter nods their head with a feeble smile.

“Let’s be good partners, shall we? Ohohoho ho ho ho!”

“Today’s show will be a little more elaborate.”

Saying this, Monsieur Chapeau handed out identical versions of their hat to the children in the audience.

“This hat is proof of me being a demon.”

“A demon?”

“Yes, that’s correct. There’s a game where demons chase humans, and as soon as they touch, the human is eaten. Would everyone enjoy playing this today?”

“What’s that? It sounds fun!”

“It’s very easy, but you’ll have to do a lot of running. Do you still want to participate?”

Voices called out “yes” here and there with hands raising to match, and when the children were handed a hat they held it tightly, not wanting to let go.

“Now everyone with a demon hat and myself will count to ten. All humans should run away and avoid being touched by the hat, please.”

Today's participants are all children, but there’s a few adults mixed into the audience.

“By the time I count to five-hundred, all of the… Humans that remain will be eaten. I will give an extraordinary gift to the last remaining human.”

The audience gets even more excited when they hear the word "gift." It would be unreasonable to not feel growing anticipation at the word “gift” from Monsieur Chapeau.

“Now, let’s start the man-eating demon game!!”

With those words from Monsieur Chapeau, the countdown began.

——A note from a townsperson——

Monsieur Chapeau’s show is like a stimulating substance. Whoever watches their show is always mesmerized by it. If I had to describe it, it was a feeling that seemed to carve itself into my soul. Once carved, that blessing of happiness will never disappear. In search of a dream-like time, the audience turns their feet towards the show for a second time.

But that's fine. That's fine.

There's nothing more exciting than this. I'm willing to bet my entire life on it.

I'm going to their show today and tomorrow. I'd like to try wearing that hat someday.

Also, it’s a secret, but apparently if you wear their hat, you can get an invitation to a special show from Monsieur Chapeau. You can’t miss out on that!

——A note from a local historian——

Day after day, Monsieur Chapeau performs an infinite variety of shows. Among them, the show using their hats is a popular performance that’s enjoyed by children and adults alike.

However, a mysterious rumor has begun to spread recently. Supposedly, people that go to see their show do not come back. If they had completely disappeared, it would be considered a criminal act. However, they all return within one to three days, without exception.

According to hearsay, people get so caught up in the fervor and frenzy that they deliriously walk towards unfamiliar places as they’re told— and before they know it, they realize they’re somehow near Monsieur’s residence.

As a local historian, hearing these rumors left me extremely perturbed.

“Can we confidently say that Monsieur Chapeau is a human?”

I asked the journalist that. There’s a large number of similar cases in the world; its true colors are that of an entity that wishes for great compensation in exchange for peoples’ happiness.

“Isn’t that a decision you should come to yourself?”

The journalist was right. I need firsthand experience to understand Monsieur Chapeau’s entertainment.

——A conversation with a young girl that returned——

Did you know? The secret of Monsieur Chapeau’s magic! It’s inside their hat!

It’s in a place really deep in there! It feels really light and fluffy, and the feeling fills you up right away. And while you’re feeling happy, you get all sleepy little by little!

I did it once… But I didn’t get sleepy at all that time… I wanna go back in, I’m waiting for that time to come soon.

So, everybody, go with peace of mind. Monsieur Chapeau’s hat is a suuuuper cool place inside!

I'm at Monsieur Chapeau's show again today.

In the meantime, I’ve received official permission from Monsieur Chapeau themselves to take on the position as their official journalist. However, it comes with some pretty strict prerequisites.

Well, there's no point in thinking about it now. There’s no way I’m gonna let this magnificent money tree wilt away. 

“Ladies and gentlemen, I’ve brought you all a written invitation to an exceptional show today.”

Saying this, Monsieur Chapeau raised their hat overhead, and a ton of loose leaf letter papers fluttered about into the air. These papers were carried upon a black colored wind and delivered into the hands of the spectators in intervals.

“Can I open it? Is it okay to open this?!”

A young boy approached Monsieur Chapeau, his eyes twinkling brightly. Monsieur Chapeau bowed his head at the boy—

“Yeee— eees. That’s not an issue. With just that one written invitation, you can invite as many people as you want, please.”

Those words make the children even more excited. Then their mothers and fathers, and their relatives, and then their friends. It’s only natural that this happens, because the idea of everyone being able to go to Monsieur Chapeau’s show is like a dream come true.

“That’s right. This next show will be the greatest Monsieur Chapeau has ever performed in history. If we have more and more guests, the bigger the show’s provided ENTERTAINMENT will be. I promise.”

Monsieur Chapeau’s show will be advertised in tomorrow’s newspaper. I made a promise with them like that. It took a bit of effort to make that happen. Even if it’s a request from the popular Monsieur Chapeau, publishing an ordinary advertisement article is difficult.

So, what happened?

I got my editorial department colleagues to participate in one of their shows. It was the greatest show ever held. The writer in charge of the restaurant column happily feasted to their heart’s content, and the editor-in-chief was overjoyed that the money in our depository had more than doubled.

Well, it doesn't matter to me. That is, if the readers will be pleased with the article, and I get proper compensation for it. If it makes my heart dance this much, it's a small price to pay.

The same day, a gigantic tent was constructed overnight, draping over the entire town square’s plaza. All it takes is one glance to be able to tell the tent belongs to Monsieur Chapeau. At the top of the tent is a familiar hat that looks enormous, as if the tent is wearing it.

The show starts at dusk, and there's still a little time until the curtain rises. Monsieur Chapeau’s collaborators, who all wore the same matching hat, spoke in unison to invite people in.

Come one come all, everyone gather round.

Young masters, young ladies, and all of you busy people in a hurry!

Once in a lifetime, a once in a generation encounter.

Come to Monsieur Chapeau’s showtime!

The collaborators handing out these written invitations said things like this, giving them to a diverse range of people— old and young, men and women, just as they say.

At first glance, there seems to be no shared features between the collaborators, but in reality, there is a point in common no one knows. That point being, the entire crew is composed of people that are rumored to have disappeared after attending Monsieur Chapeau’s show.

“The tent is the entrance to a dream. Monsieur Chapeau plans to grant the wishes of everyone. Look forward to it. Surely the inside of their hat will expand out into the world, broadening horizons!”

The young girl saying this was one of the people that previously vanished after the man-eating demon game. The girl somehow knew— no, understood within her soul, that this is that kind of place. A place where everyone can end up happy.

“I have to take pictures of the interior, too.”

Seeing a collaborator enter the tent, the journalist followed closely behind them.

Monsieur Chapeau’s greatest show.

The amount of spectators that this unique illusionist wishes for is—

—Everyone in this town.

The show commences, and the sound of wildly enthusiastic cheers dominate the tent.

Monsieur Chapeau doesn’t appear to be doing anything.

Merely putting on their hats is enough for the audience to burn with desire.

—One, two, three.

Four, five, six.

Seven, eight—

The people that happily put on hats disappear, as if they had been eaten.

If only one or two people disappeared, it’d be possible to understand that this was just a part of the show. However, the number of missing spectators had already surpassed thirty. No one heeded it any mind. Even in this abnormal situation, the excitement of the audience showed no indication of subsiding.

“De… Lete” “Delete” “Erase them!”

“E—rase! E—rase! E—rase!”

The overwhelming cheers changed into ones of rejoice. The audience members that were chosen by the hat vanish with ecstasy plastered across their faces.

“This has become an awfully lively show.”

Monsieur Chapeau stood at center stage and simply watched.

The continued swelling feelings of happiness embellish the soul in a more resplendent and austere way. For Monsieur Chapeau, this was of utmost importance.

“Disappear! Disappear! Disappear!”

A hat is placed on the next human with enthusiastic movements, and with a satisfied smile, the journalist released his grip on his camera— and disappeared. A black shadow stretched from Monsieur Chapeau and dragged a single sheet of film out from the camera, creating a photograph.

“Aah, that’s right. This is what I look like.”

Monsieur Chapeau rotated to survey the audience, looking deeply moved expression on their face. The humans in the fully occupied audience seats ran around in a frenzy, all trying to get their hands on a hat.

Erasing someone with your own hands. And then being erased yourself.

It's a catharsis parallel to the original sin, which can never be acquired by living a normal life.[2]

Monsieur Chapeau’s show is a cult for the people of this town.

—Another person disappears, and the tent packed to the brim with people fills with more cries of joy. Everyone was in awe of the magnificent spectacle.

“It’s beautiful.”

That's how Monsieur Chapeau described the pitiful downfall of humankind in front of them.

The purity of their souls distort, and each of their wishes form a new soul. The longer humans waited in vain, the more beautiful the colors of their souls became after being released of their abstinence.

“Hoho—... Ohohohohohoho!!”

Monsieur Chapeau licked their lips subconsciously at the sensation of their body filling with power.

An unbelievable full course feast.

It’s unfortunate that it’ll end so soon—

That’s what they think.

Weeeell weeeell, what did you think?

Monsieur Chapeau’s biggest and most supreme, ENTERTAINMENT!

Is everyone in the audience satisfied?

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten!

I can't count them all with both hands.

Well, of course I can’t.

Nearly all of the humans in this town came.

“Hey, it's Monsieur! Monsieur. Chapeau!”

Oh my. That child was left behind.

“Walking alone on a night like this, are we?”

“Nuh-uh, mommy and daddy and my big brother haven’t come back yet…”

“Oh my. You’re feeling lonely all by yourself.”

“Uuu…”

The child’s eyes were filled with tears.

Ah, this is it.

What— is that.

“Monsieur Chapeau can take you to where your family is. If you wish, that is.”

“Huuuuh…?! Really!!”

“Really.”

It’s a completely different smile from those earlier, a sparkling smile overflowing with life. Their soul is glittering with happiness.

“Now, let’s count together. On the count of one, two, three, put this hat on.”

“Yeah!”

“One! Two! Three!!”

And within the hat, a miracle occurs.

The child has been invited into this world of mine, inside the hat.

“Mmm, the flavor is like a delicacy… It’s a bit sad to remember that this dining hall will close soon.”

Oops, this isn’t good.

I couldn’t help but burst out into laughter.

“Ah, it's Monsieur Chapeau!”

“That’s right! Monsieur!”

“What happened after that show?!”

It seems like there’s still both adults and children here.

The humans here have had plenty of ENTERTAINMENT to savor.

There’s no objections to having dessert, are there?

“Come around everyone, please gather here. I’ll show you the most heart-pounding ENTERTAINMENT!”

—However, I will be asking for compensation in return.

Monsieur in general speaks weirdly themselves. Every ending particle they use is in katakana instead of the traditional hiragana, and they use them frequently. This is often how off-kilter characters are written, and for extra emphasis. In Monsieur’s case, it’s likely a written effect of their persuasive abilities. I’ve decided to bold the operative words they use to emphasize their weird way of speaking. The extra capitalization, bold, and italics on “entertainment” is for similar reasons— specifically, Monsieur always says it in English with katakana.

[1] The original line here uses “him or her” instead of “they”.

The language used throughout Monsieur’s story is gender neutral, and constantly alludes to no one knowing their true identity— so it only makes sense that gender neutral language should be used when translating. I have changed any instance of “him or her” to “they” because of sentence flow, and because they have the same meaning regardless. (“Him or her” is pretty antiquated anyways.)

“Monsieur” is a word from a gendered language (French) and is traditionally used primarily for men, but in the majority of gendered languages, if the gender is unknown or neutral, the male form is used.

[2] “Original sin” is a term derived from Christian theology in which it’s believed that all of humankind shares the same sinful nature, inherited from Adam and Eve during the fall of man.